Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Impossible NOT to Care.

::: Anon. ::: says:

where you going?


Nur Azhani says:

nowhere.


::: :: Anon::: says:

and??...


::: Anon ::: says:

ohh abaikan kawan lar


Nur Azhani says:

saya tidak mahu menganggu


::: Anon::: says:

kamu tidak mengganggu


::: Anon::: says:

im damn hungry sial


::: Anon::: says:

come go mamak now


Nur Azhani says:

haiya look at the time fool


::: Anon ::: says:

i forgot..you got curfew..heh!


Nur Azhani says:

Smarty


Nur Azhani says:

may chong asked kalli did u call him


Nur Azhani says:

Ahah


::: Anon::: says:

why you need his num anyway


Nur Azhani says:

nak ajak dating


::: Anon ::: says:

ohh really


::: Anon ::: says:

hey..can you take me seriously for once


::: Anon::: says:

Ishh


Nur Azhani says:

y so curious


::: Anon::: says:

im not ler...but treat me seriously sometimes also ler..im playful but sometimes must be serious also..ok?


Nur Azhani says:

are u having ur pms


::: Anon::: says:

no lar..just a lil moody today


::: Anon::: says:

dont know why


Nur Azhani says:

Sorry

Nur Azhani says:
won't add to it

::: Anon::: says:

haiyo..you're not ler


::: Anon ::: says:

bile mau keluar?


Nur Azhani says:

READ


::: Anon ::: says:

im assuming its his blog?


Nur Azhani says:

Yep


::: Anon::: says:

i dont like the paramore kata-kata


::: Anon::: says:

very rude


Nur Azhani says:

a whore?


Nur Azhani says:

r u kidding me


::: Anon::: says:

Yea


::: Anon ::: says:

i hope he's not referring to anyone


Nur Azhani says:

aha right


::: Anon::: says:

wait let me read ok


::: Anon::: says:

his english is good


::: Anon ::: says:

better than mine


Nur Azhani says:

get real


::: Anon::: says:

serious shit man


::: Anon::: says:

very powerful vocabs


Nur Azhani says:

he just like to use big words tht dont fit


Nur Azhani says:

all the time


Nur Azhani says:

i don't know if that's learning or showing off


::: Anon ::: says:

he used variety of words..unlike mine..limited


Nur Azhani says:

haha yea “keepen”.


::: Anon ::: says:

hahah shut up


Nur Azhani says:

will tomorrow b good for teh tarik


Nur Azhani says:

but syaz n syukee won't b here


::: Anon::: says:

he refers to you as Mas is it


::: Anon ::: says:

tanak..i wanna go out with syaz and syuk also


Nur Azhani says:

no that's his friend from college


Nur Azhani says:

then u ask them


:: Anon:::: says:

shhh...im suddenly so intrigue by his blog


::: Anon::: says:

he looks seriously weird


::: Anon::: says:

its like some kinda big size rat


Nur Azhani says:

what do u mean


::: Anon::: says:

i mean his nose lar


Nur Azhani says:

y would u look at someone's nose like tht


::: Anon::: says:

nothing nothing..ahaha...he's cute..to the eyes of the beholder


Nur Azhani says:

Ew


Nur Azhani says:

something is wrong with u


::: Anon::: says:

what do you see in him


::: Anon::: says:

is he cute/hot/gorgeous/hunky to you


::: Anon::: says:

Ahaha


Nur Azhani says:

no. it's beyond looks u fool


Nur Azhani says:

i'm not like u, not everyone is


::: Anon::: says:

ohh i think im having the same thing as him


::: Anon::: says:

blocked nose


Nur Azhani says:

at least something in common


Nur Azhani says:

go get married or something


::: Anon::: says:

I woke up early this morning with shocking news; my every artworks and sweats were sitting in front of my house gate while I was asleep. I cant sleep again after that. There’s a saying Peyton used to draw with a black and red background (to any of one tree hill fans), with a bloody font saying “people always leave


Nur Azhani says:

it's him who left


Nur Azhani says:

i return but not throw them


Nur Azhani says:

get ur facts right.


::: Anon::: says:

since when i said you threw


Nur Azhani says:

him not u


::: Anon ::: says:

Due to that, I dropped a subject which is computer organization and architecture. I couldn’t get my mind straight and next week is the test and I cant afford to fail anymore.


::: Anon::: says:

wow...he's putting it on you isn't it


Nur Azhani says:

all the time.


:::: Anon:: says:

lol..sighh


::: Anon::: says:

syiok la main blog


::: : Anon:: says:

maybe i should start my own blog


Nur Azhani says:

make one


:::: Anon:: says:

but im not good in editing pictures


::: Anon::: says:

uploading, linking sites


Nur Azhani says:

y edit


Nur Azhani says:

no, they have a special application for tht


Nur Azhani says:

it's part of the package


::: Anon ::: says:

no no..i mean like if you go on myspace..those malay girls and guys..the edit pics to black and white, fade out


::: Anon::: says:

all the effects in the world..damn good lar...i dont know how to do that


Nur Azhani says:

y would u want to edit them


::: Anon::: says:

coz its nice to edit them..it brings out creativity


Nur Azhani says:

Haiya


Nur Azhani says:

it depends on what do u want to put at ur blog


Nur Azhani says:

be it pics or words


Nur Azhani says:

up to u.


::: Anon::: says:

both


::: Anon::: says:

do you have any software to do editing of pictures


Nur Azhani says:

not right now


Nur Azhani says:

Sorry


::: Anon::: says:

Okayz


::: Anon::: says:

lets see whats the update in your blog


::: Anon::: says:

wei whatever is it..if we fight or whatever dont return stuff and shit ok


::: Anon::: says:

ahahah..puh-lease


::: Anon ::: says:

dont memalukan me ok?


Nur Azhani says:

it's not d same wit u


Nur Azhani says:

ur not tht special


Nur Azhani says:

memalukan in what sense


::: Anon::: says:

i might be one day


Nur Azhani says:

be what


::: Anon::: says:

that "special"


Nur Azhani says:

dream on silly


Nur Azhani says:

so memalukan in what sense


::: Anon::: says:

memalukan lar..like reject kao kao


Nur Azhani says:

how so


::: Anon::: says:

like hurmm...its like trying to say "look, i dont wana have anymore connection with you, heres your things...now fuck off"


Nur Azhani says:

haha hell no


Nur Azhani says:

what would u do if u were me


::: Anon::: says:

if i were you?? what do i do to him?


Nur Azhani says:

er sure


:::: Anon:: says:

ill just call him and i scold him kao kao..say everything i wanna say


::: Anon ::: says:

words strikes deeper than actions


Nur Azhani says:

yea? what would i say


Nur Azhani says:

u say


::: Anon::: says:

i would say "you immature piece of fuck...why the fuck do you keep controlling me when i dont even belong to you...we're just friends, get it that way...i do like you, i do have feelings for you but i just dont wanna commit right now...why cant you get it..and who the fuck are you to tell me who i should mix with...how the fuck does mixing with them affect my relationship with you


Nur Azhani says:

wow. ur one angry soul


::: Anon::: says:

you're selfish, ignorant and inconsiderate for the reason that you dont bloody give me my space...


::: Anon::: says:

and you do know that we're best buddies..and i always treat you as one..you WILL NEVER EVER lose your spot but why the fuck are you being so damn insecure for


::: Anon::: says:

(omg..you better stop me before i continue and continue and continue..ahahha)


Nur Azhani says:

i'm curious


::: Anon::: says:

and ill say this


::: Anon::: says:

"you always blame me for the fact that our friendship is in jeapordy but do you realize that you are actually pushing this friendship away? its you who are being so hard that force me be this way, and its not because i want to..its because i just cannot tahan anymore..


::: Anon::: says:

just fucking grow up and when you're out from your nutshell just let me know because i'll still be right here..and that is what friends do..and dont say that i leave because i never leave a friend!


Nur Azhani says:

Damn


Nur Azhani says:

how could u say all tht.


Nur Azhani says:

i mean how do u know that's exactly how i feel but have problems letting out


Nur Azhani says:

if i'd say those things u said, i'd burst out in tears


Nur Azhani says:

r u dead or what


::: Anon::: says:

no seriously


::: Anon ::: says:

is that exactly how you feel?


::: Anon::: says:

is that how you feel?


Nur Azhani says:

somewhat yea.


Nur Azhani says:

am i tht easy to read


::: Anon::: says:

no but lets just say that im always putting myself in a persons shoe and thats why i know how you feel


::: Anon::: says:

from the way you talk to me..from the way you describe things, i kinda figured these things ler


::: Anon::: says:

now save the history ok?


Nur Azhani says:

cewah. what history


::: Anon::: says:

ahah..no ler..to me you harbour lotsa shit like this already


::: Anon::: says:

and i say its high time to be frank to him you know..let him know your frustration


::: : Anon:: says:

and at the same time..you listen to what he has to say


Nur Azhani says:

when do i not listen. i listen alright.


Nur Azhani says:

what shit


::: Anon::: says:

i know you do listen..and im just saying


::: Anon::: says:

now you get him to listen to you ler


Nur Azhani says:

right, mind u for not getting ur point


Nur Azhani says:

He wrote "I realised that a person can have a dark heart but still can say sweet things to others."


Nur Azhani says:

what the hell does tht mean.


::: Anon::: says:

he's trying to say ppl are being two faced?


Nur Azhani says:

s if he's a saint/not


Nur Azhani says:

y make me those stuff, if he wasn't a two faced


::: Anon::: says:

like i said..people vent anger, say things which they dont mean just to create some sort of attention and also to get you talking to them


Nur Azhani says:

so all his sweet words were fake too?


Nur Azhani says:

right, he could've called and ask to meet up or something.


::: Anon ::: says:

he is egoistic


::: Anon ::: says:

i know all this things lar honey pie


::: Anon::: says:

its cat and mouse game...nobody makes a move..


::: Anon ::: says:

but somehow you guys are deliberately sending signals to each other via blogs, personal message, shoutouts


Nur Azhani says:

cats and mouse, they run and chase


:::: Anon:: says:

(i should have been in psychology right?)


Nur Azhani says:

Hahaha


Nur Azhani says:

ur an ass.


::: Anon ::: says:

no lar...ive experience all this before and somehow im like that as well


::: Anon::: says:

to hurt my gf i say all hurtful things, post up all kinds of shit to get her attention


Nur Azhani says:

u too have/had a bf like him?


Nur Azhani says:

ah my bad.


::: Anon::: says:

and at the same time..my gf...she's like so quiet , not making move but you somehow know that theres a yearning to talk


::: Anon::: says:

thats why i said..be the mature one..


::: Anon::: says:

dont think of this as "ohh i win because you came to talk to me 1st"


Nur Azhani says:

but he's not ready to talk, he told me to leave him alone.


Nur Azhani says:

so let him focus with school.


Nur Azhani says:

i never thought of it tht way. winning.


::: Anon::: says:

says it out of anger! he says it to make you want him even more


::: Anon ::: says:

jual mahal lar


Nur Azhani says:

i don't get anything by winning/ otherwise


::: Anon ::: says:

to you no..but to him yes


::: Anon::: says:

thats why i said...you're the mature one..so make mature move...


Nur Azhani says:

make me want him even more, r u for real?


::: Anon::: says:

dont be so immature like him..if he keeps declining, keep insisting


::: Anon ::: says:

im damn serious..not want him lar..but you're like tak tahan you know..not talking to him..theres like a gap/hole in your life...too biasa already talking to him..and when the norm isnt there anymore you feel empty


::: Anon::: says:

feel like something is lost..


Nur Azhani says:

partly true.


::: Anon ::: says:

not "want" as in want him to be your boy boy or whatever..


Nur Azhani says:

just making myself clear la. cause u always thought of it tht way, want him s in WANT him, u know.


Nur Azhani says:

ur bloody silly jokes.


::: Anon::: says:

no no...but somehow i know deep down you, you stil llove him lar..you dont have to admit or deny or whatever


::: Anon ::: says:

i just know it...


::: Anon::: says:

but the reason you;re not with him is prolly you;re not being able to commit as yet


Nur Azhani says:

of course i love him, what idiot won't love his/her friend of 5 years


::: Anon::: says:

not as a friend..something more than that


:::: Anon:: says:

theres still an attachment there


Nur Azhani says:

i don't know.


::: Anon::: says:

sometimes its hard for one to realize it until someone comes along and just slap them and wake them up for them to realize


Nur Azhani says:

i'm just waiting for that someone to slap me. let it not b u


::: Anon::: says:

slap as in one hard knock and you'll realize what you want ler


Nur Azhani says:

i know what i want, i just don't know if i need it


::: Anon::: says:

ok then be honest with me ok?


::: Anon::: says:

what do you want..since you already know what you want


::: Anon::: says:

this is between me, you and msn lar


Nur Azhani says:

i want him to b my best friend for a long time, a lifetime if possible.


::: Anon::: says:

no one else knows ok? my promise to you, our secret..ok?


Nur Azhani says:

ok gay


::: Anon::: says:

but nothing more than that


Nur Azhani says:

i think so.


:::: Anon:: says:

dont think..be sure of your answer


::: Anon ::: says:

my point is..if you dont wanna be in a relationship with him..why force yourself to go into one with him when you know you cant commit


Nur Azhani says:

forcing? who is


::: Anon::: says:

and make him see that...make him see that you're unwilling to go into a relationship with him..and if you're in a relatioonship with him..its like you're forcing yourself to be with him


Nur Azhani says:

how is tht


::: Anon::: says:

how is that what?


Nur Azhani says:

how do u make ppl see things that they don't want to.


::: Anon ::: says:

i dont know..its hard lar i should say...it all comes down to the person himself


Nur Azhani says:

that's right. if he doesn't want to b friends, there's nothing much i can do. no?


::: Anon::: says:

but you wanna keep this friendship.no?


Nur Azhani says:

very much, i do.


Nur Azhani says:

he's a great friend.


::: Anon::: says:

then give it a shot lar


Nur Azhani says:

nothing will change unless he wants the same thing.


::: Anon::: says:

its like him trying to make you his girl, he gave it a shot, he gagal, so thats that


Nur Azhani says:

haiya, i did try, don't u remember. he turned me down all the way.


::: Anon ::: says:

keep insisting


Nur Azhani says:

that's different. why not b friends if u can't b something else


Nur Azhani says:

to him i think it's all or nothing. looks like it


::: Anon::: says:

then its his pasal lar...hes losing a great friend


Nur Azhani says:

yea, that's what going on now.


::: Anon ::: says:

yea so its his lost


::: Anon ::: says:

loss*


::: Anon::: says:

dnt think of it as you loss


Nur Azhani says:

not at all.


::: Anon::: says:

sorry for the late reply...went to get chachos..ahah..want some?


Nur Azhani says:

no thanks


::: Anon::: says:

so where were we..


::: Anon::: says:

ohh ya..so you gonna make a move?


Nur Azhani says:

India


Nur Azhani says:

no. maybe


::: Anon::: says:

stupid girl....what india india


Nur Azhani says:

where indicates a place


Nur Azhani says:

so y not india, jerk


::: Anon::: says:

but i know everytime you check your phone to see if theres message from him


::: Anon::: says:

or when theres message coming in your hoping its from him right?



Nur Azhani says:

not really,idiot


Nur Azhani says:

shut up or jump off a cliff or something.


::: Anon::: says:

why you asking me to jump off the cliff now..


::: Anon::: says:

Ishh


Nur Azhani says:

don't u have to work later


::: Anon::: says:

err yea why


Nur Azhani says:

buzz off


::: Anon::: says:

ahaha..cant you be nice ar


::: Anon::: says:

why are you such an angry person


Nur Azhani says:

it's just my nature. accept it or be gone.


Nur Azhani says:

u know, like the rest

Nur Azhani says:
Haha

::: Anon ::: says:

no! im a good friend...good friends don’t leave


::: Anon::: says:

Ahahhaha



For a friend who's known me for almost a year now, he's pretty good at reading and understanding my feelings. Hope you're not mad at me for doing this. Be-gi-tu~ ;)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i hope u can accept an outsider's opinion,or don't. doesn't matter. i took a look on the links u posted on your blog, i think i know who's blog you're referring to, paramore/whore/and people always leave thingy..before that,let me guess,you just broke up and u want him to be your friend instead of get back together again,but he refuses because he thinks its nothing at all..you guys has been together for 5 years and suddenly he left? and do u mind me asking what kind of things u "threw" in front of his gate? what ANON says was right,in a way u were trying to say "dont wanna have connection with u,here's your things,now fuck off"..probably he thinks that way,and if u really care about him,just let him know,make him feel needed in your life,tell him that u cant live without him,save the relationship..relationship works both way and if you've been trying your hardest,and he doesn't reply to anything of your efforts,its time for u to move on then. that means he's the stupid one of letting u go. and if u don't,just don't do anything,be friends with d friend whom known u almost one year,seems he's doing pretty good job in replacing him..its not just his loss,its your loss too, or else u wouldn't posted the conversation online..and your blog title "possible not to care", good,stop hating each other,start caring..all u both did is posted each others flaws on the internet but for whom? for your own attention/his/ppl around you? im sorry if Ive said something wrong/inappropriate..just thought i can drop a comment since its a public blog?

Azhani M.A.S. said...

Thank YOU, Sir 4 taking the time to read my post. I welcome all comments and opinions. This blog is mainly for my own use, never intended to offend anybody in anyway. If anyone happen to come across this blog,good, but if there's none, it isn't a problem.

I don't just broke up with "him", he kinda left, well at least that's what I think it is. I do care for this person, love him even. I think he's a wonderful friend,person.

I do want us to b best of friends again, but I don't think he wants the same. I returned those stuff, simply because I wanted him to know that I don't just enjoy receiving every single bit of it, but he doesn't seem to get my point. I guess I tried to make him understand, but it didn't work.

One can have many different friends, best friend, college friends, activity friends. They are special in their very own ways. Just know which category u fall into.

You don't have to apologise for anything, Sir. You've said nothing offensive.

Godbless :)

Oliver K. said...

wow!! honey pie, I somehow didn't think that you would actually express yourself in this manner. It seems to me that you've been conservative all this while but my perception towards you totally changed, as for now. So I figured that you actually cannot take/bear what you've been feeling and somehow is frustrated thus the need to express it out be it to one of your friend or via your blog. Good thing though as we all know it's not good to keep it in you.

I must say, pity that dude who actually listens to your problem and from the conversation with whoever it is, I figured you must be having some serious friendship/relationship/whatever-you-call-it problem with this best friend of yours.

So as to my comment, in reply to the comment left by Anonymous (whom I sort of know who you are, no point coming in as "anon" when its pretty obvious) and to the post of "impossible not to care", this is my view on it. To began with, (in reply to Anonymous comment), whatever that dude is feeling I think he is getting it all wrong. As far as I know, Azhani takes real concern when it comes to friendship what more when it is concerning her ONE & ONLY best friend, I repeat, ONE AND ONLY. So Anonymous, you might want to change the way you think because from the conversation posted, I figured that Azhani has been doing all she can to save this friendship but that "guy" isn't responding. So you say that relationship works both ways right? If she is trying her fuck-luck hardest to make things happen again in terms of saving a friendship but in return get nothing from it, why bother saying "relationship works both ways" when clearly that guy isn't responding. One question to ponder here is, does the guy really care about this friendship? Sounds to me like he does not, well because if he actually cares, he would actually talked it out, confront but he is not at all. So honestly, don't give me bull and crap saying this guy cares for the relationship as well when clearly he is not even making a .0.1% effort. Now its funny you see because if she doesn't work on it, she is somehow labelled as "friend who walks away", or "friend who doesn't care" but when she does, she is asked to moved on. I don't get it, what exactly does this guy want? She makes a moves and she's wrong and when she doesn't she's wong as well. Seriously, as what ANON from the conversation said, put yourself into her shoe then maybe you/me/we all realize that her best buddy is being selfish.

I'm not saying being selfish or protective over a friend is wrong, but come on, you expect her to be a loner? Somehow I feel that her "best friend" has been pressuring Azhani and I don't see that as a right thing to do. Everytime she hangs out with her friends, attitude is given unto her and makes her feel like shit. Now do you think that its best to label oneself as "best friend" if they make their own friend feel like shit. By right, he should understand her as they have known each other for more than what, 5 years and he should know exactly what makes her happy. It all circulates back into relationships working both way. In order to make her happy, I think her "best friend" should make her happy as well by respecting and letting her make her own decision, but being a "best friend" to her, you should always be there to support here should she encounter difficulties/problems INSTEAD of adding onto her problems and so on.

As for you Azhani, I am in no position of suggesting what you should do and thats why I didnt/won't suggest what you should do but rather simple words for you. It all comes down to saving a friendship but whether you like it or not, it somehow begans with you (I'm making this a general statement). Of course there are different level of friends but at the end of the day, what do you call all of them? you still call them FRIENDS am I right but I'm glad you actually know who is your ONE AND ONLY best buddy, and I hope he somehow realize that too.

Be that as it may, I really hope you and your friend work things out. It's such a waste to see a 5 year frienship just gone to waste. True, friends leave but GOOD & BEST FRIENDS never ever leave.

Regards,
Oliver

*haha, last words "Why so serious?! Lets put a smile on that face"..haha*

Azhani M.A.S. said...

Oliver K.

Thanks bitch, for an essay.

Appreciate it (:

Oliver K. said...

I'm always someone else's bitch!
Why cant I have my own bitch. Haha. Now shut up. I'd like to go sleep. I'm a working man, making my life productive unlike you. Bye fool!